Into the Abyss

This piece was written in the midst of my depressive breakdown. It is coated in all of the opaque blackness which shrouded my existence and contains all of the misery and numbness I felt towards the world. In this poem are quoted by Shakespeare, Camus, and Nietzsche, all of which have been italicized and cited in chronological order at the bottom of this page. I have special thanks to give to Rev. Lauren Larkin, my theology teacher and intellectual mentor. I sent her this poem in my distress, and she showed me a level of compassion and understanding which I had rarely ever known. Seeing value in my work she offered to publish it under a pseudonym on her own blog, which will be linked below. 

Into the Abyss

To be, or not to be, that is the question

I stare at a sharp corner

With precise blind vision,

Tracing the broad rigid line

Then the two U-shaped humps

Which ride along the letter's origin.

Magnificent tsunamis reach an eerie calm.

Distant shapes become blurred puddles,

Then swallow each other,

Part into a dark cone of vision,

Hiding their insignificance behind black shadows,

Leaving only pointy corners and laborious curves in perception.

The world evades us because it becomes itself again

Comforting words pass through me as a hand swipes through air,

Compassionate embraces as a knife through warm butter.

Laughter no different than breath,

Smiles the same as frowns.

Red veins creep like vines

In already tired eyes.

Names appear not as old comrades,

But bundles of sharp-sided letters

With exhausting round lumps.

When you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you

I hold not hope,

I feel not passion,

I see not reason.

I am not dead,

I am not alive.

I am naught.

Rev. Larkin's Publication: https://laurenrelarkin.com/2019/02/15/guest-post-into-the-abyss-ft-albert-warner/

References:

William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act III Scene I

Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus

Friedrich Nietzche, Beyond Good and Evil